Life

Oscar Ballot 2019

It’s limited since I haven’t seen ALL the movies (which makes me a little sad I’m not going to lie). Nonetheless, here is what I’ve got.

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Life, Parenting

Birthday Girl!

On Valentine’s Day my youngest daughter (by far, her nearest aged sister is 24) turned two! It was a lovely day. She came home from school to a balloon and cupcakes. We watched her favorite movie, Frozen.

We have a small party planned at home for next Saturday morning. It is, of course, Frozen themed. The child is a Frozen addict. She can watch it over and over again. When she’s grumpy in the car, I throw on the Frozen soundtrack and it cheers her up. When she’s grumpy in the morning, we pull up the video for Let It Go on her iPad and she’s transported into her happy place.

For her birthday we also turned her car seat forward facing. This was something I had hoped to delay. She’s so tall though that she was clearly uncomfortable. I’m nearly 5 foot 8 inches. Her dad is 6 foot 7 inches. So, she is a tall girl.

On Tuesday (Daycares are closed on Monday for President’s Day), she begins a new Day Care. We despised the director of our last daycare. She had no decorum. She was rude and nasty at every turn.

The new daycare has cameras and advances children to the next class based on their actual age (as opposed to some arbitrary developmental milestone). In the two year old class, they teach colors, shapes, numbers, animals, and letters. We are a bit concerned about how long it will take her to make the adjustment to the new school, but she’s two. So, hopefully it will happen quickly.

Having this little sweet pea was no small feat. We tried for 2.5 years. We suffered two early losses. We even did a medicated IUI prior to my falling pregnant naturally at 40. All in all, though, (other than getting sober) it was the best decision I ever made.

Alcholism, Life

Sponsors Are the Worst!

I’m caring for my toddler who is sick with the flu while while recovering from an illness myself when I telephone my doctor to report unrelated symptoms of another possible ailment I may be suffering with. “Can you come in at noon?” she asks. Realizing that she is concerned about my symptoms, I leave my flubit toddler with my mother to go see the physician.

After a brief discussion of my symptoms and a quick examination, she diagnoses me with a condition that requires surgical intervention and refers me to a general surgeon. She tells me, “if they cannot get you in very quickly, call me and I’ll get you in with someone else.”

Just to give you some history regarding why this is so depressing for me. So far, ive had my tonsils out, my gall bladder out, my appendix out (twice if you count the fist failed attempt), and a surgery on each arm to relocate a pinched nerve, and cervical spinal disk surgery.

I don’t know why I can’t say off the damn operating table, but it seems like my lotten life at this point. It’s frustrating. It’s even exacerbating! So, I did what any alcoholic would do. I called my sponsor.

“I’m depressed.” I told her. “I don’t want to have another surgery!” “It’s unfair!”

“You spent how long trashing your body?” she reminds me. Then she tells me to do the unthinkable in my current mood. “Write a gratitude list of all the things that make this surgery and recovery possible for you.” Ugh! I don’t FEEL very grateful! Yet here I am in the unenviable position of being forced to try to show gratitude in the face of adversity. It’s a skill that I have always struggled with.

For now I will simply that I am grateful for a fantastic husband. He cares more about my health than anyone alive (possibly even myself). Indeed, he pushed me to call the doctor when I did. I am grateful that he will care for our toddler and take off from work as necessary to assist in my recovery. I am grateful for my mother (although those words taste like vinegar coming from my mouth) because she will assist in caring for my toddler during my recovery. I am grateful for fantastic insurance coverage that allows me to have this medical intervention at minimal cost. I am grateful for a doctor who is persistent enough to insist that I get the care I need quickly.

Do I feel better having contemplated and written all that out? Perhaps a little. Damn sponsors. Their wisdom, although always helpful, is a bit annoying! No one likes a know it all!

Life, Reviews, TV

The Passage

Sitting here watching my little one sick with some mutant strain of the flu that wasn’t covered by the flu vaccine brought me to contemplate my new favorite TV show about mutant medical conditions – The Passage.

The Passage starts off by introducing us to characters from the CDC working to stop some rampant medical condition before it becomes a pandemic. They have found a vaccination that is very effective. Unfortunately, there are some pesky side effects that include transforming the recipient into an evil bloodsucking monster that the CDC refuses to call vampires.

We are then introduced to our hero and heroine. Our heroine, a child “that no one will miss” is needed by the CDC because they have determined that the younger the vaccine recipient is, the fewer the side effects. Our heroine is to be the first child guinea pig for the vaccine.

We meet our hero early in the show. He gathers patients for the CDC. He is unaware what the CDC intends to do with these patients but he suspects it is bad news. When he is told to bring our heroine in, he goes rogue. He cannot bring himself to take an innocent child to her doom.

Four episodes into this new series, and I’m hooked. The story telling mechanisms are outstanding. The character development is extensive without being boring. Our hero and heroine are beloved by the time we get finished with the second episode.

This is must see TV at its best.

Life, Weight Loss

Plateaus Suck Along a Weight Loss Journey

I’m doing really well on my diet but the sale continues to bounce around between 260 and 265. It’s SO discouraging! I’m not giving up. I know I’ll breakthrough to the 260 soon. I don’t know what else to do. I’m eating what I’m supposed to eat. I’m eating less than 1500 calories a day (but not so low on any given day as to cause massive weight fluctuations). I suspect that the scale will start to steadily drop as soon as I get through this brutal plateau. I despise plateaus, though.

Life

Change

This daily reading spoke to me during this time of change in my life. My office will be having two ceremonies for my husband’s departure from our office next Thursday. Today, as I contemplated his ceremony next Thursday (his last day), I wondered how I would get through it without crying. Yet, something struck me tonight.

As I was leaving my meeting, someone asked how I was doing. “I’m doing well!” I replied. And, I am. I am weathering the changes through the assistance of my program, the fellowship, my sponsor, and my higher power. While I am dreading the grief that I will experience when he is gone, I am seeing this change as an opportunity for growth for both my husband and myself.

Alcholism, Life, religion

Back to Basics

My spouse’s imminent departure from our shared workplace has been doing a real number on me. I became terribly depressed and had a night when I was dangerously close to relapse. So, I asked my doctor to adjust my mental health meds. That was a success. With respect to my recovery, it’s back to basics for me!

One of the basics for me is to read daily recovery meditations. So, I’ve downloaded a couple of apps and bought a couple of my favorite meditation books on kindle. Since I’m on my iPad constantly, I thought this might be an effective way to get me doing my daily meditations.

So far, so good! Daily, I read Hazeldon Inspiration (a randomly selected meditation), 24 Hours a Day, Each Day a New Beginning, the Language of Letting Go, and Days of Healing, Days of Joy.

Now I just have to get back to my daily prayers and meditation. This is a complex matter for me since I have a complicated relationship with God.

I came into AA a diehard atheist. At my first meeting, I heard someone say that for him god was the group of drunks (the fellowship of AA). Being desperate to cease my addiction, I decided to give it a go. Within days of working the program with my newly minted sponsor, I realized that the group of drunks wasn’t a higher power that would last for me.

Since I had done some religious study in college, I knew that I was most drawn to the Eastern religions. So, I started reading up on Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, etc. I loved various concepts from various religions but I found myself unable to devote myself to one. Then my sponsor said something to me that would change my recovery forever. “You don’t have to define you’re higher power.”

So, now my higher power is whatever force that has kept me sober. Sounds simple, right? The problem is that it can be difficult to be spiritually connected to such an ambiguous higher power. I haven’t found a way to solve that problem. So, I’m going to do what recovery has taught me to do for over four years now. . . I’m going to pray on it.